Are you a stressed Momma on the verge of a break down? You know what I mean. We all reach that place at some point where we just don't know if we can do it (by it meaning, anything!) anymore.
There's a place that I promise will help you. You need to run there, now!
It's the gym.
I was reminiscing the other day while on the tread mill. There was a time that I would go to the gym with tears streaming down my face, not knowing if I could make it another day. Literally.
Autism is hard y'all. You can understand that somewhat, but unless you go through it, you don't really know what I am talking about.
The screaming. The tantrums. The round and round arguments that convince you you are going insane. Watching your child suffer, knowing you can't undo anything. It's a hard and brutal momma life.
Too often than not I found myself with my husband out of town, juggling homeschooling two kids, and not being able to look down the barrel of autism.
Can I share something with you here? I remember a day when I was at my breaking point and I found myself going to the treadmill. I had so much emotion being held inside that I couldn't really remember how I had gotten on the treadmill or to the treadmill, I just knew I was there. I wanted to run away truthfully but that treadmill and that place kept me there. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I hope that doesn't sound lame or contrite but in that moment, I had had enough. I wasn't cut out for this mom business, I thought. But then my head started to clear. I ran and ran, harder than I ever had and came to the realization:
The gym will be my place.
Of course, every gym has their own set of amenities and rules but here's the deal with ours:
I can put the kids in child care there for up to two hours at a time. I am sure this is with the idea you are going to go workout but no one asks.
There's a cafe area, a pool, a gym, and free wifi.
What I thought was that the gym was the place I needed to be at when I was on my last nerve but I eventually found myself dragging all of us there for some peace so I wouldn't have to enter "on my last nerve" territory.
I would take the kids to the child care and sometimes I would go and work out. There is nothing like working out to help clear your head. I remember once when I was dealing with some pretty tough post-partum stuff I called my dad (who's a pastor). He listened to me rant for I don't know how long and then quietly he said "Linds, you need to go work out." And ladies, he was right! The hormones and chemicals are so much reset by working out!
Sometimes though (gasp), I wouldn't. I would go sit in the hot tub or take a long shower, or read the bible in the cafe, or work on my blog in peace. You guys, the gym over the years has been my saving grace.
Whether you have a child with special needs or not, all of us mommas reach a point where we are broken and weary and need a break. We need grace and understanding and Jesus. We also sometimes just need someone else to watch our kids so we can have some us time. It's okay. It's acceptable. It's required.
So go to the gym. Find a gym that has useful things for your kids and for yourself. Find something that works for your family. I know our gym membership is cheaper than me paying a babysitter for four hours. Taking my kids to child care one day a week for two hours each month is more than worth the membership...not to mention all of the other times we use the facility.
When you are a momma at home struggling and alone, the world can be a scary place. I get it! Please, don't ever hesitate to reach out (to me, I'm here!) if you need someone to talk to, to pray with you, to love on you, or just to be there.
You're worth it, you deserve it, now go to the gym.